Monday, 26 March 2012
Monday, 19 March 2012
I'm happily shooing aside my book news (off you go Ghosts, back to the loch house with you for a wee while longer) to proudly join so many other bloggers in celebrating the release of 99 Reasons Why by Caroline Smailes.
This controversial! experimental! groundbreaking! but more importantly, simply brilliant new novel provides the reader (aside from an excellent read) with the possibility of multiple endings, and today, as the book is launched, I'm honoured to host one of them right here...
99: the reason why I was only worth ninety-nine quid
It’s been six days since the little girl in the pink coat went missing and me Uncle Phil’s in me bedroom.
We’ve been watching the little girl in the pink coat’s mam on the news. She was appealing to the public for witnesses.
‘Didn’t realise she had a mam,’ I says, looking at me telly.
‘Everyone’s got a mam, pet,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.
‘She sold her story to The Sun,’ I says, looking at me telly.
‘Got a few quid,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.
‘She wanted nowt to do with that bairn before all this,’ me Uncle Phil says, looking at me telly.
‘Do you know where she is?’ I asks me Uncle Phil.
‘Belle?’ me Uncle Phil asks me.
‘She’s safe,’ me Uncle Phil says to me. ‘Your mam’s keeping an eye on her.’
‘Can I be her mam?’ I asks me Uncle Phil.
‘No, pet, you’re a filthy whore,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.
‘Can you make Andy Douglas come back, Uncle Phil?’ I asks me Uncle Phil.
Me Uncle Phil shakes his head.
‘I love him,’ I tell me Uncle Phil.
‘Andy Douglas is your brother, pet. You didn’t seriously think Princess Di was your mam, did you?’ me Uncle Phil asks me.
‘You’re a cradle snatcher just like your mam,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.
‘Your mam miscarried when she found out I’d been banging Betty Douglas. Betty was expecting you,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.
I don’t speak.
‘When you was born, your mam went mad and I ended up buying you from Betty Douglas for ninety-nine quid,’ me Uncle Phil says.
‘Ninety-nine quid?’ I asks me Uncle Phil.
‘I paid a hundred but got a quid change for some chips for your mam and dad’s tea,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.
‘You bought me?’ I asks me Uncle Phil.
I’m a little bit sick in me mouth.
‘It was the right thing to do,’ me Uncle Phil says to me. ‘I got Betty Douglas pregnant straight away with Andy.’
‘I’m pregnant,’ I says to me Uncle Phil. ‘I’m pregnant with me brother’s baby,’ I says, and then I throws up on me purple carpet.
‘You’re a filthy whore,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.
‘What am I going to do?’ I asks me Uncle Phil.
‘You’re going to have the baby,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.
‘Have me brother’s baby?’ I asks me Uncle Phil.
‘Then I’m giving it to Betty Douglas to bring up,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.
‘You what?’ I says to me Uncle Phil.
‘It’s the right thing to do,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.
‘I can’t—’ I says to me Uncle Phil.
‘It’s either that or I’ll make you disappear,’ me Uncle Phil says to me.
I don’t speak.
I’m thinking, they’re all a bunch of nutters.
99 Reasons Why is available in Kindle and IBooks editions -
What are you waiting for? You know you're intrigued.
(and there are way more than 99 reasons to love Caroline)
Monday, 5 March 2012
The Kindle edition of my third novel is available right now, right here -
Blimey, Amazon can be speedy, and publishers even speedier. And wonderful (thank you Weathervane Press!) I also recieved a package of print copies on Friday morning. My book - my actual book - went for a long, damp park walk and think with me on Saturday morning. Nevertheless, I remain in a daze, am immensely proud and grateful, but still can't quite fully believe it truly exists (perhaps the reality will sink in when I take it out on the town for whisky?) I'm a very lucky woman.
And further kindness - the incredibly talented and prolific Caroline Smailes took time out of her incredibly awesome book busy-ness (she has her latest 99 Reasons Why and Freaks both due for release this month) to read my Ghosts. This is what she said:
'Stunning, absolutely stunning, this chilling tale is woven with sparingly eloquent prose. It is fearless, it is believable, it is captivating. I am left with an ache. I understand human suffering just that little bit more.'
I really can't tell you what this means to me. Overwhelmed.
Thank you X